I thought I was prepared

Last Friday, I had my follow-up appointment with my plastic surgeon. I was so thankful that the pathology report stated "no evidence of invasive cancer". I had the drains removed which I was so happy about. Then he removed the bandages, I thought that I was ready for this. Nothing could prepare you for it. You see pictures of others that have gone through it, but when you are looking at your own body it is so different. After the surgeon was finished he left the room and Arnold just held me and we cried together for a while before I was able to pick myself up and move on. I know how hard this was for me I can only imagine what he was going through in his emotions. Being a man and just wanting to fix it and knowing that he could not. I am glad that we can talk, cry and just be here for each other. We both have good days and bad days. I have read a lot of stories about how women mourn after this surgery and I thought that would not happen to me. Was I ever wrong! When I got home on Friday I had not actually been able to totally see myself until I was in front of the mirror. I saw something that scared me, something that was new, something that I will always be a reminder, as a woman something was taken away that was very special too me. I thought I was so prepared I had prayed about this I thought I knew what it was going to be like. I was going to have immediate reconstruction so I would wake up with something there. Well it is not the same but it is something. I woke up on Saturday very emotional and no matter what I did I just wanted to cry. I prayed God what is happening to me? Is this normal? Am I being vain? So I researched it and discovered that women go through a mourning process like if someone close to them dies. Wow, I could not believe I was mourning losing my breasts how could that be. I knew that this was the best thing to do. I knew that that this body is just a temple that it was not made to last forever. I guess that it was healthly for me to feel this way because after I got over the mourning I was able to pick myself up. I feel like it was good that I just took that time to talk to God about it. I was not having a pity party, I just was missing something that I had for a very long time. Now I have a new set with a warranty! I am going to make the most of what has happened. Sometimes after I go through something I am more compassionate of others. I pray that God will use me to minister to others.