So very Thankful

Yesterday, Thanksgiving was a very special one. My mom had a chemotherapy treatment on Wednesday but still insisted on having dinner at her house. This has been such a tough year for my mom and dad. It was so special to see mom and dad smiling and having a good time yesterday.

When mom found out in January that her breast cancer had returned in her lung it was very tough. Finding out that you have to have chemotherapy after going through it before is so very hard because you have experienced it before and you know what's coming. I cried so hard the day that I found out. Sometimes I have a much harder time dealing with her being sick than myself. The original prognosis did not sound too bad. They would start chemotherapy to shrink the tumor, then some high dose radiation then send her to a surgeon to operate. She had the chemo, the radiation than went to the surgeon only to discover that the tumor was in a spot that was way too dangerous to operate. The surgeon said that he would not do it and that he doubted she would find a surgeon that would. In hearing that she was convinced that surgery was not an option. Back to chemotherapy until it is dissolved. In February they will test to see if the tumor has shrunk or best case scenario dissolved.

Please pray for my mother and for my dad. This has been especially hard on my dad, sometimes we forget cancer does not just effect the patient but the whole family.My sweet little niece, Hanna, made us all smile!

Sometimes I forget

Sometimes I forget how fortunate I am. Really it's not that I don't remember it's I need to be reminded. The last few months have been some of the most difficult times in my life and at the same time I have seen so much answered prayers. I saw answered prayers in Sommer, when I saw this young girl I left in Texas in August on Friday night (I think it ended up actually being Saturday morning after all the flight delays.) and all I could do is just look at her and think God is so good look at what he is doing in you! I can't even type this right now without tears in my eyes. To hear her say do you know? and she was talking about scripture or I didn't think I would make it through this! but I was praying.

This past year was such a tough one for us and Josh. I thought I would die at times from a broken heart. What I was able to do still amazes me. I prayed to see the situation and those involved as Jesus would. Today we have an awesome relationship. He is not where I would like him to be in his walk with the Lord but Josh is trying to find his place in the world and that involves finding his own faith. I will continue to pray for him everyday. I know that he has a soft heart so that he will find his way back.

Looking forward

I was reading Jim's blog this morning and was bummed that he would not be preaching this Sunday at WWP. Then I read on and saw that Stan Williams will be here and be preaching. I am so excited, I can't wait to see Stan, I missed the Workshop this year and missed seeing Stan. Stan baptized Arnold and myself back in 2000. I absolutely can't wait for this weekend. We will pickup Sommer Friday night in L.A. spend the day on Saturday hanging out at the Santa Monica Pier, taking in the sunshine and shopping. Then on Sunday we will be at Woodward Park where Sommer is so excited to see everyone.

Thank God a new week!

Last week was a tough week. That is why I did not blog. I was praying and I was in the word. I am not even sure where to begin. Well I guess that Arnold put it so clear today when he said "so much has happened this year, sometimes it is a blur". Just when you think there is no more tears, here they come. O.K. I will be honest because you know that is all I can do because God already knows. I had myself a pity party this past week. I was frustrated with everything. Times like these I really have to give it to Arnold because he does not say too much about this crazy woman that he is living with, and if that's not bad enough he has to work with her too. I really was tired of it all. I was trying to get back to normal I just wanted things to be normal, whatever that is!

I was missing this body part that cancer stole from me. I was missing my energy. I was feeling sorry for myself because this is not how it was supposed to be. I was so happy when I woke up today and my first thought was thank God it's Sunday. A new week, a new start. So I made a choice that I would pick myself up and stop feeling sorry for myself and I would focus on bringing glory to God through it all. You see that is what happened this past week I lost my focus and started listening to the wrong voice. I was tired and stressed and started listening to the enemy. I lost focus of my purpose in this world. I started focusing on all the problems instead of all my blessings. I am such a blessed person and God has brought me to this time and place in my life for a reason.One of my biggest blessings in life will fly in to L.A. on Friday night! God has taught me some valuable lessons through this young woman. Please continue to pray for her as she continues to stretch herself. It would have been so easy for her to stay home with all that was going on and not go to AIM but she was willing to go because she feels this is where God was calling her.

Where are we headed?

Where are we headed as a Country? I don't know, you don't know, nobody knows except for God. We can't control things but we can pray. No matter what happens it does not change the direction of my life. I am still committed to God. I know we have hope and joy as Christians even when things don't go well. As Christians we are to keep pressing on toward the goal. I have talked to people the last couple of days that are depressed because of the election. I have thought that if my life was about just here and now. I would get so depressed. Not just what is going on in the election but personally. I have had so many people ask me why do you keep on fighting most people would have given up by now. I keep fighting because I believe that God is not done with me yet, I believe that there is so much more he needs to accomplish in me and through me. When it is time he will call me home but I won't give up. We as Christians cannot give up or give in. Nothing changes because things are different in our government. God is still in control! I have hope and if you are a child of God than you have hope too. This is not our final destination. Let's live everyday as if it were our last. Our goal is to get to heaven and to take as many others with us as we can. Let's make sure that we don't take our eyes off of the prize!

Do you wonder what is going on inside of you?

I just wanted to share this with you today. I believe it answers some of your questions about surrender.

Becoming a Mom

Every year about this time I start get very sentimental because I am remembering the day my baby boy was born. November 1, 1986.

Saturday we celebrated Joshua's 22ND birthday. Twenty-two years ago we saw each other for the first time. I know that he can't remember but I remember like it was yesterday. My life changed that day forever. That was the day that I became a mother. That is when I looked at this helpless little baby and I knew that Arnold and I were responsible for someone besides ourselves. It was so scary and so exciting at the same time. I was only twenty and Arnold was twenty-five and I look at Josh as he turns 22 and realize how young we were. I see him starting out in his adult life. I can't help but be thankful. When Josh was five, in kindergarten I had my first diagnosis with cancer and I honestly didn't think I would be around for his adult years. I am so thankful. I am and proud of the young man that he is.

One of the hardest things as a parent is to see your child make decisions that you know are not in their best interest. I have had to watch Josh make some decisions this last year that broke my heart. I had a harder time with them than with anything else that I have gone through this past year. I have learned so much. One thing that I have learned is that he needs to make his own decisions and that he is still my child and I don't love him any less. Isn't that how God is with us? Sometimes I make decisions that are outside of his will for my life but he doesn't love me any less. As we celebrated his birthday on Saturday with his friends, as I sat talking to one of them about life and the topic came up about if there is a God and he told me that he does not believe in God. We talked for a while, he told me he feels like he is a good person and that is all that he needs but he was listening when I told him about faith and just to start reading the Gospels. We we were finished talking he said well maybe there is a God.

I thought about this later on and realized how important it is to be around people that don't know God, people that don't even know or believe that he exists. I pray for this young man that his heart will be open to God and that he will keep searching. I pray for Josh everyday he has such a big heart and when he commits himself to something he gives it his all. I believe that he is searching for his place in life and he will discover how important his relationship with the Lord is but I have to keep praying for him and let him find his own faith. As a parent that loves her child so very much it is one of the hardest things to do. I trust God and I know that he will give me the strength and his wisdom each day how to handle this journey.