Becoming a Mom

Every year about this time I start get very sentimental because I am remembering the day my baby boy was born. November 1, 1986.

Saturday we celebrated Joshua's 22ND birthday. Twenty-two years ago we saw each other for the first time. I know that he can't remember but I remember like it was yesterday. My life changed that day forever. That was the day that I became a mother. That is when I looked at this helpless little baby and I knew that Arnold and I were responsible for someone besides ourselves. It was so scary and so exciting at the same time. I was only twenty and Arnold was twenty-five and I look at Josh as he turns 22 and realize how young we were. I see him starting out in his adult life. I can't help but be thankful. When Josh was five, in kindergarten I had my first diagnosis with cancer and I honestly didn't think I would be around for his adult years. I am so thankful. I am and proud of the young man that he is.

One of the hardest things as a parent is to see your child make decisions that you know are not in their best interest. I have had to watch Josh make some decisions this last year that broke my heart. I had a harder time with them than with anything else that I have gone through this past year. I have learned so much. One thing that I have learned is that he needs to make his own decisions and that he is still my child and I don't love him any less. Isn't that how God is with us? Sometimes I make decisions that are outside of his will for my life but he doesn't love me any less. As we celebrated his birthday on Saturday with his friends, as I sat talking to one of them about life and the topic came up about if there is a God and he told me that he does not believe in God. We talked for a while, he told me he feels like he is a good person and that is all that he needs but he was listening when I told him about faith and just to start reading the Gospels. We we were finished talking he said well maybe there is a God.

I thought about this later on and realized how important it is to be around people that don't know God, people that don't even know or believe that he exists. I pray for this young man that his heart will be open to God and that he will keep searching. I pray for Josh everyday he has such a big heart and when he commits himself to something he gives it his all. I believe that he is searching for his place in life and he will discover how important his relationship with the Lord is but I have to keep praying for him and let him find his own faith. As a parent that loves her child so very much it is one of the hardest things to do. I trust God and I know that he will give me the strength and his wisdom each day how to handle this journey.