June of 1999, I found a lump again and it has been six years so I guess that it's nothing because five years and your home free right? After I had cancer the first time I thought that it was over. Then I found a lump on the other breast as soon as I discovered it I called my oncologist who immediately scheduled a mammogram and ultrasound which detected something solid. No time to think too much it was growing so quickly. A lumpectomy was scheduled within two days, just skipped right over the biopsy this time. I remember thinking what if they are wrong and it's not cancer this is unnecessary surgery.
This time I woke up to see my mom and dad they were crying so I knew, no one had to say a word. But maybe just maybe it's early so no chemotherapy or radiation this time. Nope it is stage II again it has spread to one lymph node so chemotherapy and radiation was needed. Here we go again now Josh is eleven and Sommer is eight. Six months of Chemotherapy and radiation again.
Something was happening inside of me this time, I mean deep inside I was questioning my existence I just couldn't believe that this is all there is, you live on this earth for a few years and then it's all over? No there has to be more. So I started searching trying different things I had already tried a lot of what the world had to offer and always came back feeling empty. How about this new age stuff, positive thinking, mediation, how about this I'll try praying Jesus into my heart. No, Something is still missing. I went to church when I was young I will try that. My grandma took me to the Church of Christ every Sunday until I thought I wanted to do things my own way. Maybe I will try that. So I went and there was this friendly preacher, Stan Williams and this one elder, John Ed Clark that kept saying hello to me and to my family like they were really happy to see us. Then Stan asked if he could study with us. I still thought that since I was baptized as a teen that I was o.k. until Stan preached a lesson one Sunday morning he had these chairs up in the front of the church and his sermon was on which chair were you in the one where you are sure of where you are going or one of the other chairs I sat there thinking I really don't know which chair I am in and I don't want to not be sure what if I died? It was that day in September 2000 that I found what was missing in my life. I was baptized into Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of my sins and received the gift of the Holy Spirit. I know that the angels were rejoicing. I searched for Jesus with all of my heart and I found him. I now understood that there is more to life. This is not all there is there is so much more than what I can see with my eyes. I now can also see with my heart. Since then I have seen amazing things happen in me andin Arnold since we have become christians. We were so lost and we didn't even know it but God allowed the "best worst thing" to happen to me so that my eyes could be opened. To this day I thank the Lord that he used something as horrible as Cancer to get my attention. He has brought me so far and I know I still need a lot of work but if he can take a simple country girl and save her from herself he can do all things. I love the Lord and am still amazed at how he works in my life. As I prepare for surgery on Friday, a surgery that I have been praying about weather I should have for the last four years. I believe that God has answered that prayer with a YES. There is no doubt in my mind that he has allowed these cancer cells to surface because he knows that this is the only way for me to do what I need to do to be around for the tomorrows that he has planned for me. I am excited to see what he has in store for me on the other side of this.
This time I woke up to see my mom and dad they were crying so I knew, no one had to say a word. But maybe just maybe it's early so no chemotherapy or radiation this time. Nope it is stage II again it has spread to one lymph node so chemotherapy and radiation was needed. Here we go again now Josh is eleven and Sommer is eight. Six months of Chemotherapy and radiation again.
Something was happening inside of me this time, I mean deep inside I was questioning my existence I just couldn't believe that this is all there is, you live on this earth for a few years and then it's all over? No there has to be more. So I started searching trying different things I had already tried a lot of what the world had to offer and always came back feeling empty. How about this new age stuff, positive thinking, mediation, how about this I'll try praying Jesus into my heart. No, Something is still missing. I went to church when I was young I will try that. My grandma took me to the Church of Christ every Sunday until I thought I wanted to do things my own way. Maybe I will try that. So I went and there was this friendly preacher, Stan Williams and this one elder, John Ed Clark that kept saying hello to me and to my family like they were really happy to see us. Then Stan asked if he could study with us. I still thought that since I was baptized as a teen that I was o.k. until Stan preached a lesson one Sunday morning he had these chairs up in the front of the church and his sermon was on which chair were you in the one where you are sure of where you are going or one of the other chairs I sat there thinking I really don't know which chair I am in and I don't want to not be sure what if I died? It was that day in September 2000 that I found what was missing in my life. I was baptized into Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of my sins and received the gift of the Holy Spirit. I know that the angels were rejoicing. I searched for Jesus with all of my heart and I found him. I now understood that there is more to life. This is not all there is there is so much more than what I can see with my eyes. I now can also see with my heart. Since then I have seen amazing things happen in me andin Arnold since we have become christians. We were so lost and we didn't even know it but God allowed the "best worst thing" to happen to me so that my eyes could be opened. To this day I thank the Lord that he used something as horrible as Cancer to get my attention. He has brought me so far and I know I still need a lot of work but if he can take a simple country girl and save her from herself he can do all things. I love the Lord and am still amazed at how he works in my life. As I prepare for surgery on Friday, a surgery that I have been praying about weather I should have for the last four years. I believe that God has answered that prayer with a YES. There is no doubt in my mind that he has allowed these cancer cells to surface because he knows that this is the only way for me to do what I need to do to be around for the tomorrows that he has planned for me. I am excited to see what he has in store for me on the other side of this.
No comments:
Post a Comment